The holidays have a way of bringing out both joy and stress. Between travel, family gatherings, and high expectations, even well-organized families can feel stretched thin. For divorced or separated parents, the season can become especially difficult as they try to balance schedules, traditions, and shared custody.
Every year, our office sees familiar problems that could have been avoided with just a little more preparation and communication. The good news is that with a proactive approach, you can protect your parenting time and make the holidays enjoyable for everyone involved.
Start the Conversation Early
If there is one piece of advice that consistently prevents conflict, it is this: start early. The sooner you discuss your holiday plans, the easier it is to avoid misunderstandings or last-minute stress.
Arizona parenting plans, drafted by Scottsdale divorce attorneys, usually spell out how major holidays are divided, but the details often require practical coordination. Travel times, family gatherings, and drop-off logistics can all become points of friction if left until the last minute.
By early fall, review your parenting plan and confirm who has which holidays this year. Discuss exchange times, transportation, and any family events that might affect the schedule. Putting the details in writing, even informally, goes a long way toward keeping everyone on the same page.
Use Your Parenting Plan as a Guide and Update It When Needed
A good parenting plan should bring clarity, not confusion. What worked when your children were young may not fit once they are teenagers with jobs or social lives.
If your holiday schedule no longer makes sense, you can request a modification under Arizona law (A.R.S. § 25-411) if there has been a substantial and continuing change in circumstances. Outgrowing an old routine often qualifies.
Because Maricopa County courts tend to be busy during the holidays, it helps to review and update your plan well before Thanksgiving. Adjustments such as travel permissions or alternating holiday arrangements are much easier to finalize when everyone has time to plan.
Keep the Focus on the Children
It can be tempting to think of the holidays in terms of fairness. Who had Christmas last year? Who gets the longer weekend this time? But that mindset can shift the focus away from what really matters: giving your children happy, low-stress memories.
Ask what works best for them, not just what feels fair to you. Which traditions mean the most? What arrangements make them feel secure and comfortable?
Children thrive when they know they are free to love both parents. They should not feel guilty for enjoying time in either home. A calm, cooperative attitude helps enormously. If direct communication is difficult, a parenting coordinator or family counselor can help keep discussions focused and productive.
Plan Around Travel and Family Expectations
Holiday travel often adds another layer of complexity. You might plan to visit family out of state, or one parent might want to take the children on a trip during winter break.
Before making travel plans, review your parenting plan carefully. Domestic trips are usually allowed, but longer or international travel often requires written consent from the other parent. Sharing itineraries, flight information, and emergency contacts well in advance helps prevent disputes.
Extended family expectations can also create tension. Grandparents, siblings, or new partners may all have opinions about what should happen. Remember that the holidays do not have to look exactly as they did before the divorce. Traditions can evolve while keeping their meaning. Thanksgiving dinner might happen on Friday this year, or Christmas morning might become a Christmas Eve brunch. What matters most is the quality of the time spent together, not the date on the calendar.
Agree on How You Will Communicate
Once the holidays arrive, emotions can run high. If communication with your co-parent tends to become tense, set ground rules in advance.
Decide how you will communicate: text, email, or a parenting app. Agree on expectations for phone calls or video chats with the children. Talk through what will happen if plans change unexpectedly.
Establishing these rules ahead of time reduces misunderstandings and prevents small issues from escalating. Many parents use tools like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents to keep everything documented and organized, which can be especially useful if disagreements arise later.
Acknowledge Emotions and Take Care of Yourself
The first few holidays after a divorce can feel strange or lonely. When the children are with their other parent, it is natural to miss them or to feel left out. Planning ahead can help you manage those emotions.
Use your time to rest, see friends, travel, or volunteer. Fill your schedule with activities that feel meaningful and positive. By focusing on yourself in healthy ways, you create balance that benefits both you and your children.
If your co-parent becomes emotional or difficult, stay polite and brief. Keep the focus on logistics and avoid unnecessary arguments. Setting and maintaining boundaries is one of the best gifts you can give yourself during a stressful season.
When to Call Your Attorney
Most holiday parenting issues can be resolved through communication and good planning, but sometimes legal help is necessary. If your co-parent refuses to follow the schedule, withholds parenting time, or makes major changes without your consent, it may be time to involve your attorney.
Arizona courts take parenting time violations seriously. Under A.R.S. § 25-414, a parent who interferes with court-ordered parenting time may face sanctions, makeup time, or even contempt. Often, a professional letter from your attorney reminding the other parent of their obligations is enough to resolve the issue without going to court.
Our office always encourages clients to start with cooperative solutions, but it is important to know your rights and be prepared to enforce them if necessary.
Reflect and Plan for Next Year
Once the holidays are behind you, take a few notes about what worked and what did not. If a particular exchange time caused stress or travel was too tight, write it down. These notes make it easier to adjust the schedule next year.
Parenting plans should evolve along with your family. By treating each season as a chance to refine what works, you will build stability and reduce tension year after year.
Final Thoughts
Divorce may change family traditions, but it does not have to take away the joy of the holidays. With early planning, open communication, and a child-centered mindset, you can create new traditions that bring peace rather than conflict.
At Owens & Perkins, your family law attorneys in Scottsdale, we help parents throughout Maricopa County and all over Arizona prepare for these transitions with clarity and compassion. Whether you need to update a parenting plan, resolve a dispute, or simply prepare for the season ahead, our skilled and compassionate team is here to help you protect your rights and your peace of mind.
